Hey! We’re All Doin Pretty Well

Them orcas are full of fire retardants from whatever shit they eat

But actually, we’re doing OK with cheap hamburger on soft white buns

Dumbass chimps and orangs are disappearing right along with their icky jungles

Got me a new chainsaw and a cellphone, things aren’t going so bad

Stinkin’ polar bears are getting skinny cause that pack ice is meltin

Pretty satisfied with my modular and my loud pickup truck

Fucked up tigers are all giving their penises to make some kinda of soup

Happily, we bought a new car in our smog-filled northern Chinese city

Lazy, stupid salmon can’t swim past dams or lay their eggs in a little silt

I get my beer on sale and I really can’t complain

Why can’t these sneakin’ lynx and wolverines live in a safe corporate forest

We got us a new big screen and we’re doing pretty well

Stupid sharks can’t even swim after we cut off their fins to make expensive soup

There’s a new well in our village and more children are surviving in poverty

Numbnut albatrosses don’t know enough to stay away from our longlines

What with that new WalMart close by and all, things are looking up

Fekin’ caribou don’t pay no goddamn taxes anyway

Finally got that rotten tooth pulled and my outlook has really improved

I say I don’t give a damn about no tropical mountain glaciers melting

Happily, we got that microloan and I am selling tea by the road

It’s just bullshit what they’re sayin’ about some smog in that Grand Canyon

When gas goes down a little, why, things will pick up again

Fuck a buncha’ candyass environmentalists right up their imaginary ozone holes

I just set there in my truck with the AC on and it ain’t all that bad

Lazy little Forest People need to get off their asses and find some real jobs

Sold a bunch of furs to Chinese tourists and fixed up our old yurt

What the hell is this squishy, handicapped, faggot eco-communism, anyway?

Dynamited enough fish to sell to the restaurant over by the tourist bar

Ain’t it a goddamn shame about all them nasty mines, you squishy pussies

We got light and heat and juice ta play our new GameBoy online

I’m jst sayin’, there ain’t no such thing as that there acid rain

Got a warm purple coat from the GoodWill far off in America

Diesel semis and power plants don’t really hurt them little kids

We only walk just a little bit farther every day to cut our firewood

What’s a goddamn stupid grizzly bear ever done for me, anyway

Looking forward to the big game coming up again this weekend

There’s so fuckin’ many trees anyway, who really gives a damn

Finally found a wife strong enough to deliver her own children

Jesus said be fruitful, multiply and take dominion over the earth and its creatures

We just burned us off a couple rain forest acres and planted a little corn

To hell with yer silly damn recycling bullshit, I got better things to do

Now we have a sturdy roof made from many cardboard layers

I say good riddance to them shittin’ songbirds and them useless frogs

We got the refer full of canned beer and a big bag of potato chips

Who says this water’s dirty, these fish look fine to me

Found a job cleaning toilets and share a room with eight other pendejos

This crap about global warming is gonna’ cost us a lot of jobs and money

We got no health insurance but they take care of the kids down to the ER

I don’t give a half a fart if some monkey-fucker dies of AIDS

Got some of that new Meth from the big plant down in Mexico

Why all the ruckus over some Chinese getting flu from sleepin’ with his duck

Had us a bigowd double cheese meat lovers pizza brung right to the apartment

It’s our goddamn right to take the ATV anywhere in the woods that we want

Doin’ pretty well drivin’ semis wearin’ cowboy boots and hats

Let’s get all that Alaskan oil and to hell with that stinkin’ wilderness

The wife works down to WalMart and we finally got Mom on Medicaid

Friggin’ health food is three times more expensive than good old MickeyD’s

Gettin’ me some nice loud mufflers just like on them cool NASCAR pick-ups

I hear they make good money up there clubbin’ down baby seals

Why, my pit bull tore up some stupid fuckin’ Labrador just the other day

How about we head over there and just take all their goddamn oil

Praise jesus and fuck all this evolution bullshit

I say just nuke ‘em first and maybe sort it out a little later

Grandfather’s potency was restored with a bit of rhino horn

If it’s getting so much hotter why the hell is my heating bill so high

Rolled over to a new credit card with no interest for six whole months

My boys don’t need to read but I made damn sure they know how to fight

We make a decent living selling the meat that we poach in the national park

We’re saving the planet in our 3 ton, 300 horsepower hybrid SUVs

Change my pickup oil myself on a back road in the trees by the creek

My wife and kids got the diabetes but we picked up some free meds

Felt so much better I gave half the TB pills to my neighbors

The government put up toilets and the streams are much better now for bathing

Happily our daughter lives with 18 friends while working in the city

We’ve got a martyred son in heaven who helped our leaders smash the great Satan

I got no issues with the wars ‘cause in ‘Nam the dope was good

They gave us a new red plastic Jerry can to go and haul out our drinking water

Since they stopped the rape and shooting in the camp we’re doing pretty well