Help us to sleep well that we may pursue our greed with all our
strength, in thy name
Bless that which
favors our agenda over attempts we deem to curb our selfish freedom
Allow us to
politically debate scientific evidence to advance profit-based
corporate beliefs
Keep the underclass
engaged with alcohol, tobacco, opiates, Meth, gambling and TV
Let us shoulder our
exceptionism and export our culture and beliefs to the rest of the
world
Free us from these
unconstitutional restrictions on our speculatively-leveraged private
property
Give us the strength
to subdivide and bulldoze in the name of god and country
Bind us with the
belief that blind greed always leads unerringly to a brighter future
Help us always find
the cheapest and quickest way to profit and bear no future
responsibility
Invite them to get the
hell out if they do not like things the way they are here
Let us chant our
mantra of rigged free trade in cheap imports and outsourced careers
Keep us steady on the
course of hyper-consumption for its own holy sake
Find moral strength
from sloganeering and mental nutrition in regurgitated sound bites
Realize for us the
foolish paralysis which comes from thinking too deeply
Help us enrich
society, one identical suburb and shoddy strip mall at a time
Absolve us with the
belief that we cannot make any real difference, in any case
Give us gas for our
giant, inefficient vehicles and we will not ask its source
Grant us zoning
variances that we may further our Ponzi development schemes
Assist us in selling
thy beauty even while our bulldozers roar in the background
Help us paint our
opposition as weak, tired, whining yet fanatical squishes
Permit our CEOS to
gate themselves safely away from that which they have created
Ensure that the
pursuit of material goods is the only path marketed to
self-actualization
May we overcome fuzzy
notions of some sustaining biosphere for it threatens all our
progress
Convince the
unbelievers that golf courses are wondrous natural wetland
sanctuaries
Spin as thy mysterious
wisdom the fostering of poverty and ignorance across many generations
Help us to stay on
message and to tightly control the flow of our clever propaganda
Assist us in inflaming
hatred of the evil socialists who still sinfully oppose us
Give us the strength
to ignore world opinion by granting us a blind righteousness
Lead us in our holy
struggle against those hypnotized by an infidel religious fanaticism
Help us spread
democracy even as we crown a comically-implausible God our own making
Allow us to ignore
malaria, AIDS, cholera and dengue fever in the poor
And let us mostly
research profitable cures for such as impotence, obesity, wrinkles
and stress
Give us the wisdom
never to question the suffering you allow us to cause on a daily
basis
May we accept as your
inscrutable will the natural disasters that devastate heathens
everywhere
Remind us of our
chosen status that we might ignore the plights of others without
remorse
Let us know that God
is love as we go forth with a curse on our lips and weapons in hand
Reveal to us after
personal consultation in prayer, decisions that reflect thy will on
policy issues
Grant us thy certainty
such that we shall never need admit of any mistakes
Give us a bogeyman
that we might continue scaring the people and enriching the arms
peddlers
Help us slash
entitlements to pay for tax cuts to the rich as well as to increase
arms spending
Make us believe in our
right to treat animals as mere units of factory raw material
Engender in us a
smirking scorn for such silly issues as sustainability and habitat
destruction
Bring us faith against
global warming scams and calming beliefs about toxic pollution hoaxes
Reward us with great
bonuses for eliminating jobs, benefits and pensions via
Let us cast off
proposed regulations by intoning of their terrible costs in jobs and
money
Take the future in thy
hands that we may grab all that we can right now
Give us our daily
factory white bread by the dirty truckload in throwaway plastic
Load us up with
caffeine and sugar as we seek your everlasting peace
Fill us with desire
for new automobiles and real estate speculation
Help us to spend far
more than we will ever earn, without any guilt whatsoever
Entrust our parents to
uncaring temp workers in corporate-owned nursing homes
Commit our children to
day care with diseased illegales, even before they can speak
Blind us to the mass
extinction we are bringing down all around and upon ourselves
Remove the dirty
waters and the filthy air from any list of important issues
Grant us a comforting,
rock-solid faith on metaphysical matters it unnerves us to consider
Help us relax using
social media displacement activities right on through our own passing
Keep us so very busy
that a sideways glance at a sunset is hardly noticed and quickly
forgotten
Build a real scorn for
the ancient history that took place all of 10 to 15 years ago
Nurture our pride in
the ignorance of the technologies which we so depend on
Let us take for
granted the hot water, lights and warmth of our homes
Stop us from ever
questioning the madness of runaway military spending
Assist us in calling
for better education while profitably outsourcing the jobs of the
educated
Keep us calm, knowing
you make the decisions and that our fate is simply your will
Grant us the right to
belittle rigorous science using dumbed-down theology and corpro
donations
Praise family values
while allowing generations to grow up with ignorant mothers and no
fathers
Blind us to our own
hypocrisy that we may trumpet our beliefs free of guilt
Help them to realize
that we alone are your chosen people, created in your image
Show us how to leap in
faith over frightening cosmic mysteries to safe scriptural
regulations
Let us expect our
politicians to talk like preachers and never actually answer real
questions
Satisfy us with a
proud illiteracy and let us call simple arithmetic ‘doing the math’
Steer us away from
genetic research and towards mandatory christian prayer in our
schools
Bring back the
sanctity of marriage and let thy word, as we interpret it, guide the
courts
Fill us with the
absolutely overriding importance of abortion as a public policy issue
Help us to cast
conservation as a rather silly and unimportant virtue, of dubious
value
Foster our soulful
distinction from all other animals and thusly, our dominion over the
earth
Give us the ability to
ridicule that which we do not agree with or simply do not understand
Keep our mouths, eyes
and ears shut until it makes no difference any more
Teach us to take
refuge in mind-numbing, expensive and time-wasting wreckreation
Make us view Hitler as
evil but our extinguishing 30 million Indians as our sacred Manifest
Destiny
Help us build
expensive prisons rather than taxing and regulating soft drugs
Let us spend billions
on homeland security but be unable to evacuate cities from disasters
Content our children
with prescription drugs, fatty foods and video games
Ensure that stock
buybacks temporarily increase our stock price which yields us more
fat bonuses
Guide us in
extinguishing species by guaranteeing that their price increases with
their scarcity
Fill us with a
disdainful pride in the knowledge that we humans alone possess
everlasting souls
Help us rip off
original ideas to turn into mass marketing schemes for our corporate
profits
Preserve the sanctity
of intellectual property but only for we, the non-producing middlemen
Let us scoff at
sustainable economic practices and greedily pile immense debt upon
the future
Give us rich oil
fields but not the vision to seek profitable, sustainable
alternatives
Permit us to cast our
own greedy desires as simply one small part of your slowly-revealed plan
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