Really Gonna Miss It

Now that you feel you finally wrung me dry and have safely turned me out for good

I’ll miss watching yet another simpering new middle manager make the same dumb mistakes

What a pity I won’t see you bravely face more issues and challenges, going forward

I won’t get to teach more younger workers the same sad lessons once again

How will I get over not being in endless, stupefying meetings, leading nowhere

I will miss explaining technical complexities as if to children with ADD

I won’t easily replace long hours spent discussing sports with my co-workers

I won’t get that warm glow of slipping away 15 minutes early when you’re not looking

What can I ever substitute for those all-important overdue project marathons producing nothing

Geez, I will miss being ignored by flitting little suckups live and in color every day

No more totally different got-to-have skill to cram for on my own free time

I won’t have to forget the latest obsolete technologies every other year

It’ll be hard not seeing new greedy MBAs and good engineers utterly fail at management

I won’t easily forget our own juvenile tantrums and thick walls of sullen silence

I really enjoyed being told of my good work by those who had no idea what we did

No more self-important losers will be acting bored while doing my fictional Performance Review

No longer marginalized for simple technical skills, I feel so liberated and so very free

Professionals are safer now that I do not point out their wasteful foolishness

No more mandatory resume acronyms which you can’t even spell much less know how to use

An end to wasted MSProject entries twisted to mask our aimless lack of progress

I will miss swilling donuts and lining up for your leftover takeout lunches

I no longer even pretend to give a damn about your phony and feeble outside interests

I’m done swallowing my gut responses to your predigested personal opinions

You can keep overpaying your smarmy consultants for doing nothing, and it won’t bother me

I am not a bit-part actor in the elaborate charade that is your fantasy Project Plan

No more do I even pretend a humble kowtow to your invisible new clothes

Where will I find the satisfaction I once felt, toiling for days upon frustrating minutiae

I really feel I can’t do without those lively updates on your silly golf games

I won’t be marginalized for questioning our institutionalized floundering lack of direction

No more must I politely tiptoe by your flimsy lies and forgotten promises

No longer will I watch natural leaders be debased by ass-kissing kick-downers sucking-up

How will I get by, bereft of your brave and wise Strategy Moving Forward?

I will not overhear boasts about lavish vacations, new cars and trophy homes

No more must I calculate how much less my raise gives than inflation takes

I won’t be silenced by the armor of your parroted & phony nods to Political Correctness

I can stop pretending adolescent salesman are actually worth their fat commissions

But…where will I now find the satisfaction I once took watching you squirm in failure?

No more futile searches for rationality in your latest Current Direction

I must try to get by without the wisdom you imparted so at comedically-solemn Monthly Meetings

Never again must I bite my tongue while swallowing your scripted nonsense

I won’t be squeezing back into the cube farm with less space than in my own giant SUV

I’ll miss our chuckles over your tortured explanations to others of the work we do

No more feigning interest in your kids or your expensive home remodeling

Damn, I’ll miss that endless speculation over layoffs and resignations

Who then, will I smile and nod to while thinking they should shove it up their ass

Nobody will say to me so dismissively “I’m sorry that you feel that way”

No more accepting benefit reductions as your perqs and salaries grow

Your strictly business decisions will no longer affect me personally, ever again

I can stop wasting time scripting safe pleasantries to exchange with airheads

How will I run a computer without the dogma of your overpaid System Nazi

Where will I learn of gambling losses, bad credit, ex-wives and sick kids

No more to wonder how rosy forecasts faded so quickly into big layoffs

Gonna miss dressing up, acting normal and keeping quiet for our customers

I’ll miss my turn talking nonsense once a week in a kindergarten circle jerk   

Must find a substitute for constantly overhearing multiple conversations at once

Won’t have to tolerate rude interruptions by self-absorbed clowns ever again

Done ignoring my need for recognition for work that no one ever saw or understood

Fighting back my tears for dear lost colleagues and your paternalistic management style