We resolve that religious dogma shall trump fuzzy science in
our children’s education
Human economic needs must simply shatter the costly scam
fantasies of wacko environmentalists
No longer shall we be constrained by habitat conservation
for such as tiny owls or ugly boreal toads
Wasteful oversight processes must be streamlined, sped up
or, preferably, simply abandoned
Conservation shall be rightly viewed as the lifestyle choice
of some silly fringe element
Outside developers attaining local control will bring about
the world we seek
Donor lobbyists shall enshrine self-regulation as the norm
for all industry
Evolution is merely a shaky theory and abortion is an
important governmental issue
So-called climate change is a hoax drawn up by the lifestyle
police
The liberal elite shall lose their awful control through
free market media conglomeration
We must keep citizens safe from imported drugs manufactured
in America
We make sound policy decisions based upon private dialogues
with our personal saviors
Patriotic, God-fearing citizens need not worry about
domestic intelligence gathering
Accessibility means sharing the new mining and drilling
roads in all of our national lands
Producers should be free export our fracked petroleum independence
for tidy profite
Our so-called ‘core rate of inflation’ is actually a
reality-based statistic
Emergency response to disasters and to terrorism are two
different tasks
We can enhance our security and economy by pumping all of
our oil right now
Defense spending is sacrosanct, off the table, and must
continually increase
God decrees that marriage is a sacred union between a man
and a woman, period.
Universal health care is a dead socialist pipedream which
failed many times, long ago
Social security reform is one of our most critical budgetary
issues in the short term
The free market can provide a sustainable environment and
affordable health care
There is no purpose to showing our soldiers dying and coming
home in boxes – so it’s banned
Freedom and democracy can be spread through intimidation and
invasion
Outsourcing jobs ultimately benefits all levels of our great
society
Re-districting to attain political control is part of our
democratic heritage
Energy-efficient cars are dangerous, cheap, uncomfortable,
weak and unwanted
Cutting taxes while increasing spending is sound
conservative economic policy
Pruning industries by encouraging cheap imports enhances
consumer affordability
Top leaders should learn via issue advisers and make
decisions in private talks with personal saviors
Our puppet states should maintain a sound separation of
church and state
BigAg Taste tests indicate no taste benefit from organic
foods and they are too expensive as well
The right to make noise is enshrined in the constitution,
but privacy is not
Economic development is independent of the biosphere in
which it occurs
We must continually remind God to bless this land whenever
speaking to the public
Plastic decals on our imported cars are honest displays of
our patriotism
The right to gas-powered recreation on public lands should
be protected
We can prevent forests fires by bringing in logging firms to
clear cut the big trees
Urban planning is anathema to
economic growth, job creation and happy families
The No net loss of wetlands initiative was an example
of good government environmental stewardism
Free market elections mean the recipient of the most
donations wins office
The decline of amphibians and songbirds has no place in
domestic policy
The operations of our federal parks should be turned over to
entrepreneurs
The struggle in Iraq has always been intimately linked to a
war on terrorism
Misguided, coal-fearing zealots would see us shivering in
dark homes eating cold oatmeal
Man was created less than 10,000 years ago, apart from and
above, all of the animals
Economies of scale are appropriate for all manner of
societal activity
Gun control is wrong as long as the military maintains its
overwhelming weapons superiority
That evil weed is rightly the number one enemy in the holy
war against all drugs
SUVs, vans and pickups should remain exempt from emissions
and mileage regulations
We flatly reject international treaties on women’s rights,
land mines and chemical weapons
Providing birth control to third world countries is against
our exceptionist moral values
Homosexuality is simply a sinful lifestyle choice requiring
a faith-based healing
Globalization will increase everyone’s standard of living
Professional sports are an integral part of the very fabric
of our society
Old Europe holds no lessons and provides no new ideas useful
to us
All or nothing Omnibus Spending Bills, loaded with pork,
nourish the democratic process
The government should get out of the ‘business’ of habitat
preservation
Building prisons works more economically than community
intervention
Government-funded scientific results should be edited for
political purposes
Energy independence does not require some silly ‘Moon
Landing’ type effort
A twangy, macho,
evangelical pitch wins the vote of the growing under-crust
Issues are best addressed by simply staying on short and
catchy messages – for as long as it takes
Should minorities become disenchanted with voting, they can
then be totally ignored
The secret gathering of private information is a proper
governmental strategy
Anything short of your unequivocal support amounts to
cowardly treason
Loyalty is more important than competence in our
subordinates
A smoggy Grand Canyon is but a small price to pay to air
condition Las Vegas
As a chosen people, we alone shall execute a policy of
exceptionalism
The Department Of Homeland Security reflects our small
government philosophy
Multi-generational poverty can be corrected by tax cuts for
the very richest
Manufacturers bear no responsibility for packaging materials
or wornout products
Multinational conglomerates have our citizens best interests
and futures in their hearts
If free trade brought in some alien snail which killed all
the ash trees, who really cares?
Social Darwinism is a tacitly accepted part of God’s
mysterious plan for us all
Drinking, smoking and gambling are legal but prostitution is
a sinful crime
GDP figures are a quite realistic indicator of our nation’s
economic well-being
Yes, we can tout math and science teaching even as we belittle
and ignore scientists
Trying to get more while using less is a symptom of weakness
and is likely effeminate
Environmental standards need to be reviewed in light of our
energy needs
Biodegradable petroleum-based fast food wrappers are our
type of litter solution
We choose to eave chemical and electric plants unguarded but
employ a StarWars missile defense
What have those starving polar bears really ever done for
our country, anyway
New suburbs and strip malls are sure signs of a prosperous
and growing nation
Lobbyists and Influence peddlers are respected players in
our esteemed political process
Huge SUVs and brand-new McMansions epitomize the American
dream
Liberals are skinny, pasty, yellow crybabies whining in
shorts and sandals with socks
It would be contrary to God’s law to require jobs, training
and a license to have a child
Planning for our children’s
future is best accomplished through quarterly sales forecasting
We should look first to God’s teaching with regards to the
moral use of human embryos
Drive-thru fast food restaurants save us time which we can
use later to enrich our lives
Social programs are inherently wasteful and foolish and
really should all be abolished
However, the government can manage far more massive
military spending efficiently and honestly
We can proceed with absolute certainty once we have spoken
with our personal Savior
Our government simply does not outsource kidnapping,
imprisonment, torture or abuse
A leveling of the economic playing field will result in increased
prosperity for us all
Farm subsidies to agribusiness are a wise and efficient use
of our tax dollars
Activist judges have subverted the constitution and the will
of the people and must be replaced
Ronald Reagan certainly was one of the greatest of all
American presidents and heroes
Oil companies work hard to earn record profits when
speculation skyrockets prices
The government has no role to play in protecting species
threatened by our ordained progress
The highly-profitable sale of subsidized armaments is a good
way to promote world peace
The liberation of the Iraqi people has nothing to do with
their oil reserves
Profitably exporting our new-found, fracked energy
independence will be good for us all
Our system and values provide a model which we should be
proud to export across the world
The vast liberal media warps our good conservative works by
focusing only on bad news
Unattributed government press releases provide for a
consistently more balanced assessment
Actually, career politicians simply know how to get things
accomplished down in Washington
Flag burning, abortion and marriage amendments are properly
very high on our list of priorities
The Ten Commandments are actually the basis of our religious
freedom and government
Traitorous and whiney second-guessers only serve to put our
brave troops at risk
We must not let the sacrifices made for our colossal
blunders ever even appear to be in vain
Manmade areas, such as swimming pools, can be factored into
our No Net Loss Of Wetlands policy
Crafting our nation’s energy policy is best done in secret
by that industry’s leaders
We must build new infrastructure and provide free health
care to Iraqis, but not Americans
The metastasis of Wal*Mart is acceptable but stem cell
research is immoral
It is good practice to hire marketing firms for the ongoing
culture wars
Winking as businesses enslave illegal workers for next to
nothing is advantageous for our economy
The people should tacitly trust us in the covert actions the
government takes on their behalf
Climate change, though likely a fictional scam, should be
reacted to, but not planned for
An intimate, personal relationship with our savior helps us fight those Middle
East religious fanatics
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