Hurry up and get the government out of the ‘business’
of habitat preservation
Make haste and put jesus front and center in all our courtrooms and legislatures
Let’s rapidly streamline these burdensome and costly mining
and drilling regulations
Our opponents partisan stalling is at the root of our most
serious problems
Quickly dump these time-consuming environmental impact
statements
End the charade today and let’s get all the oil we can from
anywhere we want
The people deserve to see our complete vision enacted in its
entirety
Quash this talk of a right to privacy and get on with
unaudited secret surveillance
Hurry up and gerrymander all the voting districts with
unbeatable majorities
Abruptly end Title 9, handicapped access and all this BS
affirmative action
These endless rancorous debates are paralyzing our
government bodies
Quickly now, terminate all entitlement programs and end
corporate taxes
This very afternoon let’s abolish these meddlesome Clean
Water and Endangered Species Acts
Immediately allow all vehicles anytime and anywhere on all
our public lands
We need to rid ourselves of this poisonous atmosphere of
political acrimony
Cut to the chase and allow mineral extraction wherever,
whenever and however
Spin off our under-utilized forests via open bidding to
encourage unfettered development now
Hurry up and get prayer back into the classrooms right along
with Intelligent Design
Too much energy is being wasted in polarized, non-productive
arguments
Right now - Post a 30 day eviction notice on the door of
that godless United Nations
Quit stalling and just pack the court full with those who
share our enlightened views
Immediately ban all forms of artificial contraception and
sex education to those under 25
We can eliminate many conflicts forever by finally making
some decisions
Quickly institute mandatory prayer and bible study in all
our public schools
Make a rapid purge of the liberals controlling our colleges
and the media
Let us use sound bites and prayer to make the tough
decisions we need never regret
Right now lift all emissions and mileage regulations from
our new vehicles
Abruptly end government-funded public radio and television
for good
Hurry up and abolish the minimum wage and ban all forms of
unions
We must make our decisions and write them all down and get
on with things
Make a quick and final exit from species preservation and
re-introduction
Immediately empower confidential government policy-making
boards led by industry executives
Simply quit subsidizing or even encouraging recycling and
conservation completely
Marginalize these whining squishes now so we can make
clearer plans for our future
End race-based quotas and assistance to the children of
poverty after lunch
Abolish these stifling offshore drilling restrictions before
leaving today
Use endless rapid repetition of slickly-packaged simple
messages to establish guiding truths
Put all of the public-housing and property-stealing national
monuments up for sale tomorrow
Quickly make it impossible to obtain information outside of
official sources
Govern best by doing less, trusting in God, the marketplace
and anonymous corporate donors
Immediately put a cap on punitive damages any way industry
sees fit
Right away re-classify all politically sensitive documents
as secret
Quickly eliminate the EPA, lay off its workers and cancel
its mandates
Silence the foolish gun control whiners forever with court
decisions and new legislation
Terminate these non-productive federally-funded climate
studies immediately
Right away start teaching Traditional Family ValuesÔ and
the Bible in our public schools
Let us do these things with candor and energy and record our
results
Eliminate this misguided national endowment for the arts as
fast as you can
Abolish quotas on technical visas and give bigger tax breaks
for outsourcing jobs
Drop all these socialist controls and give the free market
complete control of the healthcare industry
Hurry up and let consumers decide the fate of remaining
old-growth forests
Quickly make it official practice to edit and censure
federal research papers
Immediately further the spread of democracy at will via
military force
This incessant quarrelling is tiring and stands in the way
of our real progress
Replace all burdensome government oversight with non-binding
self-regulation
Speedily stop the endless appeals on extraction and
development projects
Starting now, give all aid only through the faith-based
charities of our supporters
Enough of mere drips and drabs, riders and amendments – full
speed ahead!
Quickly stop the debate and simply ban all abortions.
Period.
Right away we need to give new owners full control over
their leveraged wetland properties
Let such actions replace empty rhetoric and the results can
be recorded for posterity
Provide permanent relief of excessive tax burdens on the
wealthy right now
Make it official today that all poverty benefits simply
trickle down from the rich
Let it all come to pass and let everyone be judged for their
part
Offer black convicts slavery and prejudice reparations in the
form of one-way tickets to Africa
Speedily make implanted smart card IDs mandatory for all
migrant workers
Give us a chance to bring our democratic, faith-based vision
to full fruition now
Rapidly free our corporations from uncompetitive pension and
benefit burdens
Fast track an amendment for annual increases in military
spending into our sacred constitution
We have a clear vision going forward, just let’s quickly remove the obstacles in
our path
