May our toxic wastes always flow downstream

Lord help the wise executives grow richer faster, independent of profit or loss

Grant society beer, crack and heroin for those mired forever in poverty

Jesus let the desperate addict find something he can steal to trade for a fix

May young, promiscuous HIV-positive males have unprotected sex for years

God see that we blame natural disasters on the wickedness of the unsaved

Bring us new forms of violent entertainment to prepare us for further wars

Christ let the politicians always keep the public firmly convinced and slightly uneasy

Take away these baseless fears of wacko fictional environmental catastrophes

Lord help the lazy, stupid, ignorant and nasty hold on to protected jobs

Grant the spiritually handicapped noisy gas-powered access to thy forests

Jesus let us ignore any ideas which conflict with our own steadfast beliefs

May our toxic wastes always flow downstream, never to be seen again

God see that all the potheads go to jail and get used to bending over

Bring the petty thieves opportunity to Christmas gifts to steal for their children

Christ let the Meth labs flower in trailers throughout our rural landscapes

Take away the security cameras and welcome the looters to the liquor sections

Lord help the drunken driver survive smashing a busload of pre-schoolers

Grant impoverished slum dwellers burned-off squatter plots in virgin rainforests

Jesus let the rich gain entry to heaven by making weekly indulgence payments

May foreign languages blossom among us, fostering hatred and distrust

God see that victim’s live in shame and perpetrators retain all their rights

Bring the old to the casinos and relieve them of their nest eggs under glitzy lights

Christ let the brave managers find cheaper workers somewhere overseas

Take away the notion that healthcare is a right, outside of the free market

Lord help the poachers find and kill the last rhinos, elephants and tigers

Grant the poor access to liquor, drugs, tobacco, gambling, fat, sugar, salt and religion

Jesus let incompetent builders and shiftless construction workers rain progress upon us

May seniors be forced to sell to developers due to inflated property taxes

God see that frugality and conservation remain viewed only as squishy, goo-goo BS

Bring us foreign investment that we may maintain our negative savings rate lifestyles

Christ let our children find an arrogant pride in their now-inescapable ignorance

Take back those solemn promises and, with a wistful sadness, call it God’s Will

Lord help the chefs cook the next trendy seafood as the latest goes extinct

Grant that AIDS orphans can be profitably kidnapped into slavery and prostitution

Jesus let overcrowded migrant cities sprout with no water, sewers or building codes

May some lovely songbirds deliver us thy plague on a stupendously modern scale

God see the world suffering and offer us but simple, mind-numbing catechisms

Let the poor go so far as to mutilate themselves so that they can improve their begging

Christ let the icecaps melt and we will tritely invoke your mysterious ways in explanation

May we prevail in a righteousness that we grant only to ourselves, in thy holy name