May our toxic wastes always flow downstream

Lord help the wise executives grow richer faster, independent of profit or loss

Grant society beer, crack and heroin for those mired forever in poverty

Jesus let the desperate addict find something he can steal to trade for a fix

May young, promiscuous HIV-positive males have unprotected sex for years

God see that we blame natural disasters on the wickedness of the unsaved

Bring us new forms of violent entertainment to prepare us for further wars

Christ let the politicians always keep the public firmly convinced and slightly uneasy

Take away these baseless fears of wacko fictional environmental catastrophes

Lord help the lazy, stupid, ignorant and nasty hold on to protected jobs

Grant the spiritually handicapped noisy gas-powered access to thy forests

Jesus let us ignore any ideas which conflict with our own steadfast beliefs

May our toxic wastes always flow downstream, never to be seen again

God see that all the potheads go to jail and get used to bending over

Bring the petty thieves opportunity to Christmas gifts to steal for their children

Christ let the Meth labs flower in trailers throughout our rural landscapes

Take away the security cameras and welcome the looters to the liquor sections

Lord help the drunken driver survive smashing a busload of pre-schoolers

Grant impoverished slum dwellers burned-off squatter plots in virgin rainforests

Jesus let the rich gain entry to heaven by making weekly indulgence payments

May foreign languages blossom among us, fostering hatred and distrust

God see that victim’s live in shame and perpetrators retain all their rights

Bring the old to the casinos and relieve them of their nest eggs under glitzy lights

Christ let the brave managers find cheaper workers somewhere overseas

Take away the notion that healthcare is a right, outside of the free market

Lord help the poachers find and kill the last rhinos, elephants and tigers

Grant the poor access to liquor, drugs, tobacco, gambling, fat, sugar, salt and religion

Jesus let incompetent builders and shiftless construction workers rain progress upon us

May seniors be forced to sell to developers due to inflated property taxes

God see that frugality and conservation remain viewed only as squishy, goo-goo BS

Bring us foreign investment that we may maintain our negative savings rate lifestyles

Christ let our children find an arrogant pride in their now-inescapable ignorance

Take back those solemn promises and, with a wistful sadness, call it God’s Will

Lord help the chefs cook the next trendy seafood as the latest goes extinct

Grant that AIDS orphans can be profitably kidnapped into slavery and prostitution

Jesus let overcrowded migrant cities sprout with no water, sewers or building codes

May some lovely songbirds deliver us thy plague on a stupendously modern scale

God see the world suffering and offer us but simple, mind-numbing catechisms

Let the poor go so far as to mutilate themselves so that they can improve their begging

Christ let the icecaps melt and we will tritely invoke your mysterious ways in explanation

May we prevail in a righteousness that we grant only to ourselves, in thy holy name

Grant us a blind, unyielding and merciless faith

Lord help us to ignore anything that contradicts our righteous visions

Grant us a blind, unyielding and merciless faith that we so seek in thee

Jesus give us time to fulfill our implanted dreams of hyper-consumption

Keep our leaders free from the constraints of reason, logic and good sense

God see that according to thy will we strike down the wicked infidel fanatics

Bring us peace as we lay waste to their sin-ridden cities and fields

Christ, let the priests explain away natural disasters and childhood deaths

Take away our fear and wonder and sustain us on a stale and moldy faith

Lord help the single, teenage mother to party on and be impregnated again

Grant us the ability to ignore how they must live - as we are driving by

Jesus give us the strength to carry all our extra fat way over to the couch

May we barter our reason for media babble taken with quantities of sweet or salty snacks

God see that we always demand bigger vehicles with more powerful engines

Bring the rich lower taxes, import cheap goods and export middle-class jobs

Christ let avaricious suckups and backbiting kick-downers keep masquerading as leaders

Take care of all those fathers who abandon their children without any support

Lord help the congressmen redistrict each and every voting region to their full advantage

Grant us the wisdom to cut the old growth timber and to drain unproductive wetlands

Jesus give us the petroleum for our humvees, jets and black helicopters

May thy name be upon our lips as our swinish lifestyles overtake us at last

God see that we continue never to look back with any regrets or apologies

Bring us thy thick-necked police bullies who are merely enforcing the law

Christ may the doctor work swiftly that he does not miss his tee time

Take back any guilt, remorse or shame we might accidentally feel

Lord help the children to understand and accept their reduced lots in life

Grant us new drugs that we might eat like pigs but still remain quite thin

Jesus lend us your strength to bludgeon the infidels with thy heavy holy cross

May we always have a terrible bogeyman with which to frighten our people

God see that sexual predators work in the nursing homes where we dump our Mothers

Bring us taxable vices for the masses and clever loopholes for the rich

Christ let entrepreneurs in need be able to grease the proper official’s sweaty palms

Take away our worries and fears that we may serve thee with blind faith, free of doubt

Lord help the suicide bombers to detonate near many unwary civilians

Grant the greedy African dictators more aid to siphon off to themselves and their cronies

Jesus give them the docility never to question our virtuous leaders

May the multinationals come to control all commerce and chart out every lifestyle

God see that violent criminals perfect their heinous crafts and addictions in our prisons

Bring us blindness as to where our water comes from and our garbage goes

Christ give unmarried great grand-daughters of single mothers their own bastard children

Take away our foolish worries over environmentally-induced diseases

Lord Help The Rapists

Lord help the rapists to avoid their occasional pangs of guilt

Grant inner calm to the armed robbers and the burglars of the night

Jesus grant the vicious young murderers yet a third second chance

May there be mercy for the drug dealers as they just go about their jobs

God see that the unrepentant alcoholics get yet another binge

Bring a peaceful blindness to those who voluntarily choose not to see

Christ, let the persecuted pedophiles find succor in thy love

Take away the environmental issues which stymie our economic progress

Lord help the vapid salesman quickly waste his unearned income

Grant peace to those who cunningly fleece the elderly and disabled

Jesus give that sweaty, smelly Meth head one more runup on that Crank

May there be mercy for angry boyfriends even as they shake those tiny infants

God see that the gang bangers continue killing each other, each and every day

Keep reason away from those who take such loud pride in their ignorance

Christ, let the rich stay quite safely locked away and keep the poor in their places

Take away political scruples that they may fervently beat the big lies into a glorious truth

Lord help the remorseful gambler build up yet another stake to lose

Grant us abundant cheap liquor and drugs for the homeless in their filthy alleys

Jesus give the campaign contributing military contractor another bloated, no-bid contract

May the workaholic finish just one more task before falling over dead on the way home

God see that the innocent children continue to die without any reason except by your will

Bring the slick pimps more lost young women to charm, drug, abuse and enslave

Christ, let the developers fulfill their greedy dystopian vision from sea to sea

Take away this foolish liberal whining over pristine lands and forest creatures

Lord help the swindlers find greedy marks with timely, new and better scams

Grant restful slumber to those we send off to kill foreign civilians to keep us safe

Jesus give us the hubris to proceed in our folly despite all this conflicting evidence

May the pornographers find more ways to inflame our insatiable appetites

God see that the amoral coyotes find safe desert places to abandon silent illegale victims

Bring us grisly disasters upon which the wicked can swoop to prey

Christ, let the handicapped continue accepting their lot in patient silence

Take away our common sense that we once more foolishly invest only to lose again

Lord help the dirty, old hooker entrap yet another lonely, drunken john

Grant that all ruthless, absolute dictators die peacefully in their sleep

Jesus, give the assassin good timing and a steady hand

May we not need worry at all until it is so late we can rest assured that it cannot be helped

God, see that we never forget that in your image we stand apart from nature

Please hurry with this mass extinction so we can get on with our lives in peace

Christ, let the weak and poor continue to find their only hope in you through us, your vessels

Take away their reason that they may meekly accept their filthy lot in blind faith